Many things happen in your life that you can not explain unless you look back and see them as if studying your own history, digging in the dirt of your past, sifting through the dust bin of old forgotten things that got lost when you were not looking, or things that you threw there for a reason. History is all about learning what happened in the past so that you can explain the things that are going on today in some reasonable light, or at least try to understand why things are going like they are now in the present. Personal history is rift with things that we can not explain at the time that they happen and sometimes never can see how they fit into the whole picture.
I am a thinker. I have tuned my mind for years in such a way as to live out my whole storyline in my head long long before I ever put pen to paper and tried to tell others what was going on in my head. Poems are the only thing that I write as they are thought out in general, though I do pen a few essays by just downloading thought to keystroke, like this post.
For years I have been trying to find my history, hunting in dark corners of my mind oft times finding things that I did not know were there and am glad I had forgotten they were there. But recently I have been hunting for the meaning of my life, and though I think I know where my life is headed that is not the topic of this post. Hunting for meaning in my life has led me down the alleyways of the dark places in my mind. History seekers sometimes find things out about the world they are investigating that shock them and shake the norms they have grown up to knowing. So in looking back into your own personal past be careful to remember you might not like what you find out, even though you thought what you knew was unchangable.
More on this general theme in another post.